The last post of the year

hello ppl!
Its the last day of the year.
less than 4 hrs to go till its 2007.
i dont usually celebrate the new year. but this time around i just have alot of energy and i intend to use it. heading out to chijmes soon to listen to the latin music and join in the dance.

First off, i haf to say that this year has really been a great one. this is one year that has taught me many lessons of life, and has definitely earned the right to be a year marked in bold gold in my memories.

While i had many good memories, i've also had my fair share of bad ones as well. some that have tested my character as a person, and some that has opened my eyes to who i really am.

its been one hell of a journey on this 4 wheeled buggy of life. and a new chapter is about to begin!

I dont really have much to say anymore. I've internalised everything that has been on my mind and its kinda broken down and absorbed into my body.

I'll change and I'll grow.
My hair will drop
and my wrinkles will show.

and i just remembered something. My hall production. I finally got my script and the character i will be playing. and after reading about the play and my character, I wonder if maybe i was meant for it. because its a complete reflection of what i have been through.

and my character? I play the role of someone who never gave up on his dreams, even with so many things going against me. and my dreams... well, come on down to the play to find out more!!!

hehehe....

Happy new year everyone!!!

Fire and Rescue Officer

Just got myself a new jacket!
i think.
not sure if its called a jacket or a fleece or i dunno.
basically u wear it to keep warm but its not waterproof.
with a zip infront.

why the sudden urge to get one?
because on the front, its written "Rescue Fire Department".
and that's my job. or was. or in reserve.

but i like it nonetheless.
will wear it with pride whenever i do.

shagedalic

just got pulled into interhall hockey.
wow....
i am so shagged up as it is.
going to get as much sleep as i can.
starting now.

zzzzzzz......

Dear God...

I really am starting to wonder what God is trying to do to me.
First off, it started to rain non stop since yesterday. which is actually very nice.
but its also very nice cuddle weather.
and it brought back memories.
but i dont have a particular someone to cuddle.

but i was ok.

then, i went to bed and had a dream....

still, i was ok.

then i got an sms and my heart started to race and inside i was jumping for joy like a mad baboon. but i knew that there was no chance at all that wat i'd read would be what i would always hope for.

still, i was ok.

then the radio started to play all the love songs it could get its hands on, in particular songs that were saying "i'm not moving on". and that was really screwing with me.

still, i was ok.


then i come back to my blogger account and then instead of seeing the normal three blogs i have, i saw a fourth one too. and it was "the story of a fuzzy nanuk". do you know wat that was? it was our very first blog together. and i was literally jumping for joy that hopefully we could salvage that blog that i had deleted out of rashness a long time ago. and i went through the switching process and i got more and more excited. but once the switch was made, it disappeared again.

this time, i wasn't ok.

Dear God, what are you trying to do to me????

to a special someone

eres siempre en mi corazon...
mi gatito...

names

i was just wondering about my name.
i've always assumed i knew what my name meant and its origins.
but then i guess assuming isnt a very good thing.
so i looked it up.

first off, before i started, this is what i thought my name meant and its origins.

Mohamed - Trustworthy or truthful. obviously arabic origins.

Farhan - Happy. persian origin.

so off i went into the big and massive place called the world wide web to find the meaning of my names. and it didnt take very long for me to find it out.

and this is what i've found.

Mohamed - Praise. Arabic origin.

Farhan - Glad, rejoicing, happiness. Arabic origin.

So therefore, i was half right! haha... and thinking on it, i think my name really suits me yeah?

listening to my latin mix cd.

sin un beso.

translated, it means without a kiss. no idea what they singer is saying. but just listening to the rhythm and the tune, i feel so much calmness and peacefulness and happiness.

my life felt like that at one time. now its just so hectic and floaty. i'm just a ship without an anchor sailing along the open seas, letting the winds direct me to wherever i should be.

but is that what i really want? hmmm....

think think think....

http://www.laddertheory.com

very very interesting. haha...

[Edit]

here's a reference from wikipedia. apparently there really is some sort of research behind it. the more i read it, the more i realise it could really be true.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ladder_theory

was wondering about the other capoeira school that is present in singapore.
so i searched them up on the net.

for those that dont know what i'm talking about, capoeira is a brazilian martial art. and in singapore, there are two official schools. and generally there is tension between the schools for reasons i will explain if u ask.

so i was looking at their website and read their FAQ file. this part made me smile:

I am from another school. I wish to join Bantus. What do I do?

Have the courtesy to inform your instructor/mestre by emailing him/her and bcc. to singbantus@yahoo.com. This is the only prerequisite Mestre Pintor requires of students from other capoeira schools who are joining Bantus. And please, don’t wear your ex-school uniform to our class after that. Buy ours.

Is your Capoeira school different from others? And how so?

Yes. Come and see for yourself. Ask our students. They are our best walking advertisements.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

why u ask? simply because there are only two schools in singapore. so by my incredible power of deduction, i haf concluded that they are referring to my school! which is called Argola de Ouro by the way.

haha.... cheap thrill. :D

just tot i'd put this up. the guy uses capoeira movements to avoid the lasers. nice.... its from the movie oceans twelve.

i am in the mood to rant long long today.
so sit back, relax, and enjoy the show. :)

to start off, here's a little story i've encountered in the journey of my life.

Once upon a time, there was a boy and a girl. they met while studying, and became good frens.
and before they knew it, they developed feelings for each other, and became a couple. (just realised this is a very common scenario but nevertheless, back to story.)

they were madly in love and said to each other that they would make it through, even though they came from two different worlds. they said that they would overcome the odds and fight it out. and the boy argued with his parents. and the girl argued with her parents.

but even after all the fighting from each respective sides, the outcome was unbalanced. the girl got her way and the parents were willing to accept the boy for who he was. the boy's family however demanded that the girl change her ways to be a part of the family. the boy told this to the girl, but said that he protect her and carry on fighting for her, willing to do anything to be with his true love.

but the fact remained; the girl had everything to lose while the boy had everything to gain.

and what happened next?

that really depends. in my story, the boy carried on finding a solution but never made any mention of it. and the girl continued to sacrifice for the boy, but without any verbal comfirmation from the boy, had had enough. and the boy, who had his own frustrations about things, said the same thing. and they had a very very messy break up which seems almost unrecoverable.

but to my dear fren in pakistan, i hope this doesnt happen to you. and like wise to my fren in singapore. i pray that the same thing doesnt happen to you. never lose sight of the final goal. and as long as you never lose that hope, that image, that goal in your mind, you will end up where u need to be.

moving on, the past few weeks in hall has been incredible. i've had so many things happening to me that i have no idea how my next semester in school will be. already shaking with anticipation at all the new challenges given to me. my time table is incredible. it starts at 0830 everyday and ends at 1930 for three days. the other two days are early days, with my wednesday being almost a no school day.

and then i'll be in charge of the capoeira club next sem too. looking very forward to that. onli thing that i dread is having to deal with mestre. but now i'm starting to wonder what i can do to help promote the club and to expose NTU to this wonderful martial art. thought of making a video presentation. but a funny one that is humorous enough to keep anyone entertained yet informative enough for ppl to understand all about capoeira.

back in hall, we're having the hall olympiads and its been great so far. just had our first softball match against hall 13 just now. totally thrashed them. dont blame them for feeling lousy at the end of it. i would if i was them. we really totally thrashed them. i played center field. so much running... but i like it. and then i always seem to be given the heavy batter role. but i have yet to really strike the ball with such force that it flies far. but for the record, i've hit every ball that i've swung at and always gain at least a base each time. thats pretty good in my opinion.

rugby interhall is starting soon. i'm playing as a back. but not sure which exact role yet. i've been told scrum half. but we'll see. really looking forward to this one. because i now have a chance to really just run and ram anyone in the way. all the anger pent up inside. hehehehe.

been looking around lately and going out with other ppl. but after alot of things, i think what my mom said still rings true. i'll end up with a chinese wife. or at least east asian. i dunno why. guess its just a personal taste or something. or maybe someone who is as mixed as me. and shares a similair lifestyle. thats going to be damn hard to find. but the process is going to be fun.

results coming out soon. hope i dont fail any subject. i dont think i will. but i dont think i'll do extremel well either. whatever the case, i'll be happy with B's. any less and i'll definitely be disappointed. and also, depending on my results, i might join DSA. and then, hopefully, i'll be able to go for the competition in japan in march! but will really have to see if i can manage. already holding on to so many activities at the moment. studies first yeah?

hmmm....
growing tired....
shall continue with part 2 of this long post tomorrow!
nights!

forgot to take my coke out of the freezer of my mini fridge again.
my fridge has been painted brown yet again.

just back from cast training.
and started to listen to my new cd.
and there was a part of the lyrics that made me think for abit.
it goes something like this.

"when you go,
would you have the guts to say,
i dont love you,
like i loved you yesterday."

i have to say, even though i have moved on and am already in the midsts of new experiences,
a certain someone still feels the same in my heart.

off to supper now!

looks like i'll be in charge of NTU capoeira next sem.
hope i do well in my new post. i will achieve.

woohoo!!
my body is finally shutting down on me.
kinda odd for me to be happy about something like this.
but i find it as an acheivement.
because it means i worked my lazy ass off so much that i actually managed to spoil myself. haha...

my body is aching, i'm sick, i'm forever sleepy and i feel like crap.
ah well...

last night was really good actually. sat down and talked long long. been awhile since i've done anything like that. just sit and chat.

and i bought new cds! going to listen to them now.

yay!

watching the body building segment of the asian games at the moment.

i have just been reinspired.

i will get back wat i lost, and more.

was watching the simpsons in star tv just now.
during the commercial break, there was an advertisement regarding the trailer of the upcoming simpsons movie.

it started off with a 3d bunny jumping around and frolicking in all the grass and wat not. then out of nowhere the word 'simpsons the movie' falls from the sky onto the bunny.

and the bunny dies.

WOOHOO!!!!!

i have to say, i am enjoying single life.
not because its great or anything.
I still strongly believe that being with someone is a hell lot better then being alone.

however, i've come to realise how much of myself i have lost to my now past relationship.
and i'm damn happy i'm out of it now.
i have loads of time to myself for once, and without restrictions.
and i am free to do anything i want, when i want. hehe...

in the way Borat would have said it, "Hi, i'm farhan. i'm single. its nice." (two thumbs up)

only wish that the nightmares would stop.

i am thoroughly exhausted.
i can barely stay standing anymore.
just walking to my room door to see who is outside and my legs nearly gave way under me.

yet i'm not ready to rest.
not yet.
i wonder what this drive in me is called...

"what is pain? pain is love."

really funny how things work.
and believe me, you have become like me from before.
u dont need me to list the similarities.
just think about it.

hahahaa....

I am really God's play thing.

funny how when i decide i want to do things to forget and to keep my mind off the pain, everyone i thought i can depend on just isnt there.

God really is trying to do something funny with me.