i just realised my life is centred around proving people wrong.
which made me wonder.

should i keep working hard to prove them wrong?
or should i be working on not giving them that impression in the first place?

dear fren,

read your blog today. and you opened my eyes to something that i have long forgotten.

"everything happens for a reason"

that used to be my mantra for everything. along with "hakuna matata", "go with the flow" and "life is like a box of chocolates. eat it."
thinking back, i've come to realise i've become very diferent from what i used to be. is it a good thing? is it bad? did i really change? or is this just a phase i'm going through? (started laughing when i typed phase. there's a whole chapter on phases in material science and i automatically imagined myself going through all the eutactoid eutactic nonsense. haha..)

and you're probably right. i will be fine. but i cant help but feel like i've lost a part of me that has my heart and its now free to be savaged by wolves (or wolf. which is actually the case), and i cant protect them anymore.

whatever the case, your entry really did make me stop and wonder for abit. and i have gone far beyond my own capabilities to change the way things are. like trying to save someone from falling over a tall building by jumping down after them.

everything happens for a reason. and maybe my reason has yet to be seen. just have to wait and see.

right. starting to mentally pick apart my post right now from a different viewpt. and i think i should stop before i just demoralise myself again.

because someone once said that they cant wait. kk. i better stop before i become harsh on myself too.

thank you fren.

"eres gata. muy guapa."

hahahaa.........

exams are over.

but why am i so sad?

its amazing how a friend i've never seen face to face, nor heard their voice before, nor even stood in the same country either, can really help to brighten up your day.

wonders of the internet i suppose.

wish you would not purposely prevent yourself from being happy from the little things i do for you...

i was quite surprised you asked why.
i thought you knew.
but now you do.
do you want me to stop then?

i just realised.

i talk to you more than i talk to my own mother.

hungry hungry
*clap clap*
very hungry
*clap clap*
cheeka laka pia pia
cheeka laka pia pia
chiak!

I guess this time you're really leaving
I heard your suitcase say goodbye
And as my broken heart lies bleeding
You say true love is suicide

You say you've cried a thousand rivers
And now you're swimming for the shore
You left me drowning in my tears
And you won't save me anymore

Now I'm praying to God you'll give me one more chance, girl

I'll be there for you
These five words I swear to you
When you breathe I want to be the air for you
I'll be there for you
I'd live and I'd die for you
Steal the sun from the sky for you
Words can't say what love can do
I'll be there for you

I know you know we've had some good times
Now they have their own hiding place
I can promise you tomorrow
But I can't buy back yesterday

And Baby you know my hands are dirty
But I wanted to be your valentine
I'll be the water when you get thirsty, baby
When you get drunk, I'll be the wine

I'll be there for you
These five words I swear to you
When you breathe I want to be the air for you
I'll be there for you
I'd live and I'd die for you
Steal the sun from the sky for you
Words can't say what love can do
I'll be there for you

And I wasn't there when you were happy
I wasn't there when you were down
I didn't mean to miss your birthday, baby
I wish I'd seen you blow those candles out

I'll be there for you
These five words I swear to you
When you breathe I want to be the air for you
I'll be there for you
I'd live and I'd die for you
Steal the sun from the sky for you
Words can't say what a love can do
I'll be there for you

--------------------------------------------------

muacks...

two whole nights of being alone.
i dont like it...
and when i sleep,
i leave my door unlocked.
hoping that someone comes by
to make my night
not lonely anymore...

this isnt a poem by the way. just woke up and typing with a fuzzy head.

hahahahaaaa
the radio starting talking about break ups.
ironic.

funny how one works hard to achieve a lifestyle that can finally benefit his significant half.

but when he does, he finds that she has left.

and all he has done has been for nought.

moral of the story: dont lose sight of the true goal. which is to keep her happy. always.

my neck hurts.
i dont know why.
whatever it is, just means that now its harder to cuddle my pooh bear.
i love my pooh bear...

you know why. :)

was thinking about what someone had told me, about the process of breaking up.
"you've been single for 18 years of your life. you'll learn how to survive by yourself again."

to be honest, i dont ever think i was ever alone in this world, except maybe for awhile in secondary school. and that wasn't a very nice time.

had typed out a super long story about my life and all. but i think its unnecessary at this point in time. i'll save it for people who want to talk to me and ask me about it.


but i shall summarise. i have never really been single in my life. and for that two yrs or so period when i really was alone, it was a very ugly part of my life where i was anti social and everything revolved around the thing i used to replace the need for someone close; anime.

so yeah, thinking on what that person said, i dont think i will ever learn to be single again. because i never was. and everyone that i once depended on before when i was unattached cant be depended on anymore, as they have found their own to be with.

i guess thats all i have to say.
always very hard to get out what's really in my heart.
it sucks... having a cage around your heart...

i miss you...

my joints have started to ache recently.
was reading someones blog who was mentioning about it too.
and it just triggered in me that i'm having the same problem too.
though maybe not for the same reasons.
i'm guessing i'm starting to feel the pain due to stress.
lots of it.
but mind you.
the exams arent stressing me.

One day, i will be one of those guys in the ring.

Tried to take down the things from my table.
But my hand refused to move.

Tried to move a name out of my 'Family' group on msn.
But my mouse refused to move.

Tried to forget about someone and to stop missing her.
But my heart refused to move on.

I have a math exam tomorrow and i have 3 more chapters to learn by then.
My body jumped out of bed.

At least i know I can still function. =)

You know what made my day today besides covering lots of work?
Having my internet friends mom remember me and asking how I am.
And i've never seen or spoken to her before in my life.
Thank you auntie from Pakistan!!!
You've made a very sad person very happy.

Chocolates are a great anti depressant.
I am, however, lacking in chocolates.
The only thing that has chocolate in my room are my granola bars.
Not much chocolate.
So I ate it all.
All 10.
Mmmmm....

"I'm ok. Trust me."

I just changed my desktop wallpaper again.
But i like this time.
Because this one is a picture i took.
A picture of our rings.
And its nice because the words inscribed on the inside can be seen clearly.

I like it.

1. Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests find that when women makelove they produce amounts of the hormone estrogen, which makes hair shine and skin smooth.

=============

2. Gentle, relaxed lovemaking reduces your chances of suffering dermatitis,skin rashes and blemishes.. The sweat produced cleanses the pores and makes your skin glow.

=============

3. Lovemaking can burn up those calories you piled on during that romanticdinner.

=============

4. Sex is one of the safest sports you can take up. It stretches and tonesup just about every muscle in the body. It's more enjoyable than swimming 20laps, and you don't need special sneakers!

=============

5. Sex is an instant cure for mild depression. It releases endorphinsinto the bloodstream, producing a sense of euphoria and leaving you with afeeling of well-being.

=============

6. The more sex you have, the more you will be offered. The sexually active body gives off greater quantities of chemicals called pheromones.These subtle sex perfumes drive the opposite sex crazy!

=============

7. Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. IT IS 10 TIMES MORE EFFECTIVE THAN VALIUM.

=============

8. Kissing each day will keep the dentist away. Kissing encourages saliva to wash food from the teeth and lowers the level of the acid thatcauses decay, preventing plaque build-up.

=============

9. Sex actually relieves headaches. A lovemaking session can release the tension that restricts blood vessels in the brain.

=============

10. A lot of lovemaking can unblock a stuffy nose. Sex is a natural antihistamine. It can help combat asthma and hay fever.

=============


With all that being said, anyone wanna join me and improve your personal well-being? =)

I need caffeine. Or a tazer to the head.

3 Doors Down - The Road I'm On

She said life's a lot to think about sometimes
When you're living in between the lines
And all the stars are sparkling, shine everyday
He said life's so hard to move in sometimes
When it feels like I'm toeing the line
And no one even cares to ask me why I feel this way

And I know you feel helpless now, and I know you feel alone
That's the same road, the same road that I'm on, yeah

He said life's a lot to think about sometimes
When you keep it on between the lines
And everything I want and I want to find one of these days
But what you thought was real in life
Oh, it somehow steer you wrong
And now you just keep trying and trying to find out where you belong

And I know you feel helpless now, and I know you feel alone
That's the same road, the same road that I'm on

What you thought was real in life, somehow steer you wrong
And now you just keep trying and trying to find where you belong

I know you feel helpless now, and I know you feel alone
That's the same, the same road that I'm on

-------------------------------------------------------------------

To Emily.
Hugs...
Loving you always...

solutions

you know wat feels good?
finally doing something right.
in this case, its complex numbers.
now if i could only apply this to complex relationships...

Saturday morning

mornings are nice.
but onli for awhile.
while the dreams of the night before still linger on.
and still feels like it was reality.
but once the buzz is gone.
and once your head is clear.
you remember the reality of it all.
and you wish you could sleep somemore.
maybe thats why i´ve been so sleepy lately.

preference

after trying out live journal, i´ve come to the conclusion i still prefer blogger over that.
find it more flexible and easier to use.
so yeah.
hello blogger!
i´m home...