Happy 8th of July

Today would have marked the fourth year of a wonderful relationship.
However the dream has finally come to the end.
The shared blog is gone. The rings, with me. The dolls, with her.
She's found someone else. I'm alone.

But, the memories and lessons learnt will always be remembered by the both of us. The good times we had, the things we shared, and every other silly stuff we did (like me never ever eating the chocs she gave me because they were too precious. I actually kept a box for a full year.) will always be remembered by the both of us.

Hence, as a final entry for this blog, I shall use it to preserve the few last moments of the relationship before it died.

To the wonderful relationship we once shared. You are greatly missed.
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Be happy always babe. Happy 4 years...

For you

"I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak

And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel"

good luck with your new relationship. may it bring you joy and happiness to your life.
(this is such a typical standard congrats. all it needs is the 'this is a computer generated letter' to make it complete.)

you know how i feel. nevertheless, be happy. always...

Sincerely,
Nanuk

Rest in Peace

"the story of a Fuzzy Nanuk" has finally ended its life today...
you will be greatly missed...
sweet dreams...

help

me.

dead

thats how i feel inside.

shut up and train

just found out the next karate tournament is on the 8th of july.
roughly two weeks to go.
great timing. injury just healed and i'm ready.
time for balls-to-the-walls training again.

HOOAH!
:)

i'm happy.

in sync

my heart and my head had better learn how to start cooperating.
everytime my mind thinks i'm finally through the woods,
my heart would have already planted a bungee cord on me and some huge ass tree in the middle of the bloody forest and the next thing i know i'm flying back all the way in.

hard enough already trying hard to let go and move on. i dont need to go through repeated cycles of depression and heartache alright? so dear heart, when it seems that i am going to be ok and am starting to enjoy myself, please dont start bombarding me with dreams and wat not that just wont help me at all, ok?

thanks alot.

why is it...

no one wants to talk with me?

you are a failure

you suck.
you're an idiot.
you are far far far away from being the best.
so stop dreaming farhan.
you cant even make her happy anymore.
fuck off.

i just realised

results are out exactly one month before a really special day.
i hope the results do justice for that day.

boom! and its over.

hey hey.
sorry for the long lag of updates.
just really extremely busy lately with the hall production starting soon.
days full of recording and rehearsals.
very very tired right now.
but i'm waiting for my laundry to be done.

so yeah, karate tournament is over. i got a bronze. honestly, even if i were to have won the gold, i wouldnt be happy. i know i would in the short term. but i'd still feel unfulfilled and unsatisfactory. i want more than just an IVP. and wat made me feel worse was that the national selections was the day right after the IVP. i felt like shit because i didnt know till it was over. and it was made worse when i realised i couldnt even take part in the selection since i could barely even walk in the first place after the tournament. sigh...
still, pesta sukan is coming soon in august/september. so, after my week of guilt free eating (which i have done like mad), it's back to serious dead on training.
i want more.

cast training and recordings have been somewhat hellish. its not really tiring. but we spend so much time waiting doing nothing at times. and by the end of the day, we just feel mentally tired. but recordings arent the end of it. we still have rehearsals late into the night before we can finally rest. and the cycle repeats everyday. sleepy... really hope the musical pulls off good. and i really hope someone would attend the musical. i really do.

sigh... minds been plagued like mad. about things. sigh... want to ramble it all out here. but i dont think i should. because it wont just rouse my own feelings, but that other person too.

sigh...

i miss you...

It has begun

the time has come.
karate ivp later in the day.
my first tournament.
damn excited about it.
wish me luck.
i'm going to be crushing someone's hope.
:)

i guess

you just dont care.

friendster

in two days, i've already gotten 20 ppl viewing my profile. thats alot for my profile. considering that 15 of the views happened only today.

i guess the secret for a guy to get such a high count is to put up a picture of himself half naked or more. and be sure to be muscular. that seems to draw the views.

yeah. thats it. i'm just trying to distract myself from work. :)

hmmm...

"When a girl is mean to you after a
breakup
she wants you back, but she's
scared she'll get hurt and knows
you're gone forever"

how true.

BLATANT ADVERTISING FOR HALL PRODUCTION

Dear family and friends,
it is with great joy that i present to you my hall musical production,
which i will be acting in as well.
we have been working hard to put up a good show.
so please do come down to watch!
this will also be the debut of me singing in public!
muhahahahhaaa!!!

so i hope that you will come down and grace this event.
and hopefully you will enjoy this spectacular show!
and not go deaf from my singing. haha...

The show is on the 25th n 26th of may,
at Raffles hotel, Jubilee hall.
tickets are going for $16.
contact me now by leaving a comment in the post to book your tickets.
let me know how many tickets you need to.

please do come and support us and have a great time too while your at it!!

irony

during semester time, i dont understand shit about my physics.

but come one day before exams, everything makes perfect bloody sense.

goes to show how super efficient i become under pressure.

blank

my mind is dead.
cant think of anything anymore.

but anyways, i started a training log to keep track of my holiday training.
warning, lots of photos of me.

lonliness

Dear lonliness,

i'd appreciate if you'd leave me alone, as ironic as that sounds.

alo!

you really are my brother.

ROXXORS MY BOXXORS!!!!!!!

Alone with no friends

i think i have taken self entertainment to a whole new level.

either that or i have become schizo with the multiple personalities personifying themselves every few seconds.

edit:
yes, definitely a whole new level. dont forget to ask for a video copy of the action!
ahahahaha...

If my life were a movie with songs

So, here's how it works:
1. Open your music library.
2. Put it on shuffle, press play.
3. For every question, type in the name of the song currently playing.
4. When you go to the next question, play a new song.
5. Don't lie.


Opening Credits
Daddy Yankee - Corazones

wow. wat a starting song. my life starts off like a action-packed movie. haha...

Waking Up
Nightmare - Message

japanese song. but wah.... i wake up from a nightmare! with a message! this looks like one hell of a story waiting to unfold...

First Day of School
Teriyaki Boyz - Fast and Furious

I'm loving how this is turning. Full of action! muahahahaa!!!!! all it needs is me to be walking in with 'the guys', a bunch of kick ass trickers and martial artists, including me of course. hahaa...

Falling in Love
Eminem - Cleaning out my closet

hmmm... mysterious... a dark secret within preventing me from being with a girl i love? tune in to find out...

Breaking Up
Latin guy - Hace Tanta Calor

Spanish song. Directly translated, it means "it is as much warm". I seem pretty happy breaking up. weird me...

Prom
Trax - Blaze away

ah... how does an action hero forget his sadness of a break up? by blazing it away at prom!!!! another jap song by the way. hahahaha...

Life's OK
Siriena - Meridian

hmmmm... some metal song. cant even make out wat their saying. but cool enough for an action packed life. :)

Driving
My Chemical Romance - Ghost of You

Guess in the end, i cant forget about my love...

Getting Back Together
Maroon 5 - Harder to Breathe

hmmmm... maybe we're arguing before we fall back into each others arms forgiving each other? heh?

Wedding
Three Doors Down - The Road I'm On

mmmm.... sounds right.... "thats the same road that i'm on..." perfect.

Birth of a Child
XJapan - Celebration

YEAH!!! THATS RIGHT!!!! WE GOT A BABY!!!!! WOOHOO!!!

Final Battle
System of a Down - Prison Song

fitting for a final battle song. rock it man. WOOOOOOAAARRRRGGGHHHH!!!!!!

Death Scene
pink - u and ur hand

hmmm... i have nothing to say... i'm suppose to be dying... hahaha...

Funeral Song
Akon - Once in Awhile

hmmm.... yup.... i died a role model... my life story pretty good ya? full of ACTION, ROMANCE, DESIRE! and death of course.

End Credits
Avenged Svenfold - Chapter 4

yup... once more a metal song to finish it all off... fitting...

----------------------------------------

well that was pretty fun. it actually flows and it fits! an action packed movie life of mine. hahhahhahahaa...

pump it up!

i really feel like joining the Adventure Train Race this year.
here's the link.
http://clubs.ntu.edu.sg/odac/atc/main.html

From what i see, i can join in either the tertiary or the mixed open category.
there's no just open category. sad.... thought if there was could ask reza along.
he'd love it.

only problem now is to find a girl who's wants to join too. so, any of my blog readers wanna join the ATC with me?

you know you're hot when...

you catch a girl staring at your body as you walk from the pool to the toilet in only your swim trunks.

I'm here with you

i had my effective communications exam today.
the only paper that i did not study at all for.
it was an open book exam.
and it was that kind of subject you can really study for.
like GP.

so 2 hrs before the paper was due, i began my exam preparations.
i took a nap.
:)

wat was interesting though was the dream i had.
imagine a sparta like setting. Huge buildings with stone floors and that brownish atmosphere around. i was indoors, walking along a path. people were to the left and right, looking at me as i walked. i had this feeling in me. nervousness, but not really fear. felt like i was about to embark on some really scary business of sorts.

just when i thought the feeling would overwhelm me, a hand reaches from behind and holds my hand. a soft, silky hand, cool to the touch. assuming its a girl (it better be), her fingers intertwine with mine. and she whispered in my ear, "I'll be here with you." As i turn to see who it is, light fills the place. and i realise i'm staring at the ceiling. The soft, cool feeling in between my fingers linger on and slowly fade away.

and i'm back in reality.
"damn."
the touch of her hand felt so real, even as i lay awake.
now i wonder who that girl was in my dreams.
i used to have only one girl in my dreams.
was it her?
or if someone else, who?
hmmm....

ah well,
back to exam preparations.

falling...

you know that space in time when your in between being awake and asleep?
i think thats when the mind is most vulnerable.
filled with lots of things on my mind.
about the past.

i always feel like an idiot thinking about it.
about how i handled things.
about how i reacted.
and what i said.
and what led things to the things are now.

its not that i'm not over it.
i am.
but the feeling that i was an incompetent fool will never really leave me.
i guess all i can do is learn from it and hope that one day, i will redeem myself.
oney day, i'll be thrown in a similar situation.
and this time, i will do things properly.
and i wont feel like this anymore.

i hope that one day comes soon.

gd night.

p.s. thank you for making me smile. :)

procrasination

in the words of garfield,

a truly lazy person never finishes his

as the hour draws nearer...

my hands grow prickly.
my tummy is topsy turvy.
less than three hours to go.
i feel the pain in my toe.

Exam theme song

Its the final countdown!
*doo doo dooooo do.... do do dooo do doooooo....*

lets do this.

F( x, y, z )

this might get messy...

DOOM

"SEMPER FI!!!!"
"HOOOOOAAHHH!!!"

*GACHOONK FWWEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeee*
*roar roar roar*
*shout shout shout*
*RRRRTOOTOOTOOTOOTOOTOOTOOTOO*

"This is bravo team! We're under heavy fire! Requesting assist....What the...NONONO ARHHHHH!!!!! OH GOD HELP ME AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhh.......*static*"

"errr.... no."

images from the past

i probably should stop looking at those photos...

EDIT:

make that both pictures AND videos. though it really made me happy revisiting all those years, its like getting high on drugs; you crash and burn hard once the high is gone...

i can see clearly now the rain is gone...

you know wat is encouraging?
finding a mistake in the worked out answer for the past year maths exam paper.

"YESSS!!!!! I OWN YOU BIATCH!!!!!"

can you hear me?

lately i've been talking/singing/yelling/cursing/laughing and wat not to myself alot.
alot. alot alot.
some new habit i've started. very recently.
like last week.
pretty fun though.
but i think i'd look damn weird if someone were to see me.

and i really shud stop shouting into my paper each time i solve a maths problem.
its going to be damn funny if i do it instinctively in the middle of the exam hall.
it'd be like *scribble scribble scribble* "YESSS!!!!! I OWN YOU BIATCH!!!!!"
and then i'd be sitting outside the hall calculating my GPA having failed maths from being kicked out of the examination.

hahaha...
yeah, think i shud be off to sleep now.
another long day of power shoveling tomorrow!

if you didnt know, power shoveling is my version of extreme cramming.
it works purely on short term memory whereby i just speed read through all my work and then blast my way through question after question at an extreme rate. suprisingly, it works. but i wont remember a thing a week later.

but that works just fine for me right now.

tata!!

dear me

stop thinking too much.

you're just giving yourself a deeper hole to fall into.

tag, you're it!

Tagged by
Crystal Cow

“This is what you are supposed to do - cut and paste if you decide to participate in the tagging game.. People who get tagged need to write in a blog of their own 6 weird things about themselves as well as state the rules clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. After you do that, leave them each a comment letting them know you tagged them and to read your blog.”

1. I'm chinese by right. but i dont think i could pass off as one even if my IC reflected that.

2. I self-taught myself to eat with chopsticks when i was in kindergarten. what happened was that i liked my neighbour who went to the same kindergarten as me. she was a chinese. back then, i thought that if i was going to marry a chinese girl,i needed to eat with chopsticks. so my dad bought a whole bag for me and i started eating everything in the house with chopsticks, sometimes taking up to an hour to finish a bowl of rice.

3. I'm of royal descent.

4. I love to check my body in the mirror before and after showers. and sometimes after lunch. hahahaha.... but i'm not vain. really. trust me.

5. i'm shy. :)

6. I have three grandmas and three grandpas.

I tag Reza, Farrah, ej, hui min and mulata

help

i remember when i was in ns.
and some of us decided to go to the gym to train up.
and while training, one of the regulars came in.
he said "wah, this is good. you guys really working hard. but then, the ones that really need the help aren't here."

i recalled hearing this before in school, when we had remedials and supplementary classes. and those who turned up were those who didnt really need it.
and my teacher said the same thing. "those who need the help are the ones that dont come."

and now, even at the stage of adulthood, i realise that such a trait still exists, that some people still deny that they need help, when they need it the most.

i only have this to say to such people:
"good luck in life. you'll need it."

ta.

Do this for me

go to this link and just pick five or six words that best describes me.

http://kevan.org/johari?name=dasboi

thanks!

Could you please....

fuck off.

yes naf, you.

100

my hundredth post!!
woohoo!!!
nothing special here.
haha...

marvelous!

watch this movie.

http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/372763

absolutely marvelous!

losing myself

just back from the gym. and as per normal, i did the routine "check-myself-in-the-mirror" test. :)

My weight reduction program has come to a stall. stuck at the 78kg mark.
but its not like i've been working hard at it either. so u might think its pretty good i've maintained the weight.

but from the mirror check, it looks like my body is shrinking too. i'm losing muscle mass!!!! that is bad. very bad.... time to hit the gym harder!

not to mention school work too.

EXAMS IN 1 WEEK!!!!!!!!!!

a silver lining

sometimes it appears without you realising it.

My first video

hey, here's the vid my group made for our effective communication module.
its the first video that i have co-produced!
and i intend to make more.
:D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8YBfViixSIs

Controlled explosion

I am an angry and frustrated individual.

a little experiment

prakash and i were just talking when we suddenly came up with an idea due to a certain trait we noticed on msn.

so i changed my nick to "farhan believes in Jesus", which is true for every muslim.

within a minute, i received 3 ppl asking me if i had converted.

interesting...

haha...

Probability

what are the chances of having some random girl from hall asking you to come up to her room?

just happened to me. haha... but dont get ahead of yourself ya?
there was an insect in her room and she didnt dare touch it.
so i was there to just clear it.

interesting though. made one new fren in hall.

*insert smiley here*

haha...

me

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

power shovelling!!!

I'm absorbing chemistry info at an incredible pace. just went through 4 lectures in one hour. maybe its because i still retain all the chemistry i learnt from jc 2 yrs ago. i really loved the subject towards the end of jc.

makes me wonder, should i switch courses?

lost in translation

it sucks being misunderstood.

yum yums

screw my diet. i'm eating macs tonight. TONIGHT!!!! AAARRGGHHH!!!!

alive and kicking

just back from karate training. last formal one before exams.
we had our kumite training again for the upcoming IVP in may.
so here's a short clip of me doing a hook kick during the match.
i really liked this one. didnt know i kicked like that till now.
here it is.



this next video is a recording of me doing a 360 kick. wanted to start tricking for the longest time but never really got round to it. so here it is. my first trick into the tricking world.



and those who recognise that starting pose, my answer is yes, i ripped it from jujimufu. hahaha..

interesting...

i have yellow shit.

crystal clear

have you ever had a moment in time,
when suddenly you are struck by a sudden thought,
or feeling,
and immediately you know that its right,
without a doubt?

i've been feeling like that the entire day.
i only wish i could act on it.
maybe not now.

maybe.

i think...

i wont be moving.

When i grow up, i want to be...

hello!
jsut back from watching the movie the 300.
wah....
the movie rocks i tell you!
if i were a small boy, i'd go "i want to be a spartan when i grow up!"
hahaha... very nice. and in its own way, very motivational.

so well, today marks the last day of me enjoying myself. took it as tonight will be the last night i indulge in such things such as movies and arcades. after tonight, it will be time to focus entirely on work. exams not that far away. roughly 4 weeks left. better start now if i want to catch up with all that i've lost.

and on another note, karate ivp is two days after my last paper. i've kept to my goal of a kg a week so far. its been a week. i've lost a kg. woohoo! hahaha... training hard for the comp too. been told that there is a possibility to be picked for the sea games team if we win. thats an added motivation. coupled with my seniors saying i have the potential to fight better, this is really looking like a chance for me to live that dream of donning the singapore colours. on a side note, my senior represented singapore for karate too. so yay! i haf a senior who is really good. going to squeeze all i can out of him experience wise. wanna win this bad.

so yup.
SLEEPY TIME!!!

perception

currently in school, i'm taking a module on effective communication.
one of the things taught about is the matter of perception and how one perceives an action or a sentence makes a whole difference.

so just now, i was browsing through yahoo looking for things on karate when i stumbled on this question in the yahoo question and answers page.

the question was on whether according to the Quran, did Jesus ever refer to God as his father?

then there was this answer that i tot was amusing and made me really wonder too.

here's the excerpt:

"The 'Father' was the name in which many Jews called God in order to acknowledge His Divine Power of Creation. Jesus(A.S.) never meant it LITERALLY. So when someone called another 'the Son of God', it meant that he was a righteous man. It's just how the language was back then.

For example... Nowadays if I wrote you a letter saying you were 'the sh*t', 'the bomb', or 'my angel', you would understand the meaning behind it.

But what if our culture dies out, our language becomes a dead language and a later civilization tries to piece it together, what do you think THEY'LL get out of it?"


yup. i thot that shit part was funny. and that i started thinking of other normal words we used. like stoning. haha... ah well... matter of perception indeed.

like a rush of warm water

i almost forgot how nice it feels to be called affectionately by name.

i got you!

hello!

wah... karate is fun! hehe... got my first hard hit into my ribs today. didnt know u could get winded from there too. there was like a boom! and then a sharp pain throughout my body and i just wanted to keel over. but i stood up tall and kept and walking. and back to the fight!

heh... and i love my hook kick.

so yeah, ivp is on the 5th of May. aiming to fight in the under 75kg weightclass. so i'm going to have to lose 6 kg. which is roughly 1 kg a week. going to be a tough challenge. but its the goal i need to take part in this comp. have to do my best.

right. think i ought to shower now.

and study.

and maybe some sleep before that.

nitez!

uncanny likeness

first off, in no way is this meant to insult.
i just find it really interesting.

you really are starting to say alot of things that i myself have been saying all these times.

i suppose thats how the world works.

me friendster

http://www.friendster.com/dasboi

be my love

I just love my speakers.
can feel my table vibrate as the beats just come rolling out.
nice....

currently playing Justin Timberlake 'My Love'. mmmm...

so anyways, been such a long time since i updated.
and i recall promising updating on my adventures in my last post.
so i'll give a really late update on that eventful day. or rather uneventful. or weird lah. heh...

so yeah, what happened actually was my fren showed me this thing about auditioning as a host for kids central. and the auditioning was on saturday. wasnt very keen on it really. but then i thought about it and felt there was no harm trying. so i woke up and shaved and just wore whatever i had. and left to temasek towers there. met iqbal along the way and we went.

then when we arrived, i saw the queue. that was the first turn off. the next was the people in the queue. remember that this was to audition as a host for a kids channel. so just by looking at how some of them were dressed up, i felt that they didnt understand that. some looked dressed to impress. some had so much makeup on. was like a fashion show of sorts in someway.

ok, i understand that you do need to dress up for the role as well (i wore jeans and a tshirt and trackshoes. i believe in simplicity and being yourself). but they looked more like they were there to get a shot at fame. much like singapore idol. wondered if they ever considered that its just a JOB. a job that required u to be infront of a camera and spew out itsy bitsy cute cuddly things to children as they wonder what's going to happen to their rainbow coloured super heroes. like how joining singapore idol meant u shud be able to SING.

so yeah. after seeing things like that, i decided i didnt want to be associated with this lot of people. so i left. and me and iqbal were wondering what to do. so after much thought, we realised we were pretty near to harbourfront. so up the bus we went and off we were to the biggest shopping center in singapore!!!

once there, we considered watching a movie. but upon seeing the queue yet again, we decided to wander around. and at that moment, the quest for donuts began!!! and our grand quest lasted a total of roughly 2 mins! yes!

here's wat happened in brief:
-----------------------------------------------------
(on the escalator)
Me - "Bro, u know, i've had a craving for donuts for damn long now. then Emily was eating some the other day and now i really need one."

Iqbal - "hahaha. okok. we go and look around lah. think should have."

Me - "Yes!!!! lets go on our quest to look for the glorious donut!!!!!MMMMMM!!!! (turn head left) Oh look! its there!!!!! wat a quest it has been!"
------------------------------------------------------

hahah..... saw a donut parlour lah. wat were the odds?

so yeah, the rest of the day was filled with lots of reflection and stoning and munching of sweet sweet glorious donuts...

And back to present day, life has been pretty alright lately.

i'm in the karate IVP!!!! woohoo! joined karate about a month ago. was really happy to actually have a chance to go for the IVP. I can finally represent my school proudly! have to train hard. though i already have experience from tkd, the way karate spars is alot diff. have to relearn techniques to get the points. but at least the basics are there. like the timing, footwork, confidence, kicking and other experience based skills. work hard everyday!

Reza has got me hooked on learning card tricks now also lah. i've already got about three new tricks in my repetoire. which is good enough to quickly impress a few ladies and leave them in shock and awe. tried and tested just now. hehe... going to attend some film festival with him on monday. organised by his school. then he's been appointed bouncer ic. bouncer? really? haha... think i shall follow him. i think i make a better bouncer than him. then two brothers there. nice.

School work has been sucky lately. so far, i've been up to date with my chem, effective comp and computing. the rest like physics and maths.... leave much to be desired. now that i talk about it, i remembered that i need to set up my timetable of studying. have roughly 5 weeks to my first paper. going to chiong hard for it and get the grades i want. will not settle for less than B. and if i wanna go overseas, nothing less than A minus. all the best to me.

the school just had a talk about studying overseas. and wow!!!! apparently whatever modules u take overseas, the grades wont count at all. just like S/U-ing the subjects. FREE S/U'S!!!!! hahaa... next motivation for me to go overseas now. and best off all, they now have links to BRAZIL!!!!! ultimate motivator right there. haha....

yeah... life is good... though it can get lonely at times. but that feeling is slowly disappearing. thanks to a nonsense person. go sleep lah!!!! haiyo... wait give me that stone face again. you know who you are. hahahaha...

right.

till next time!

Reaction speed

I gotta control the reaction speed of my feelings.
react too fast. boil too fast.
sure, reaction is good when it comes to the fight.
but i really shud tone it down here. or i'll never get over things.

kk.
sleepy...
shall update on my adventure in vivo tomorrow morning!!!

Circle of life

My mom was talking to me once.
and she told me one thing very interesting.
she said, "Among my children, you remind me the most of myself."

and that made me wonder of course. so i asked how. and she made a list of everything she did when she was a youth and how i am doing the same things now in my own life.

hmmm.... there's a point that i want to bring across. but i cant seem to find the right words to use. so i'll try my best, and hope the meaning comes through.

basically, my mom really has been through the same kind of pain that i have gone through. she said just the other day, "If it weren't for religion, you'd probably have a chinese dad by now."

So i thought about it, and realised that why my mother is so tough on me sometimes in certain aspects is because she's been through the pain before, and she doesnt want me, or the girl, to get hurt. and she'd rather be seen as the bad guy than to let the hurt ever get to me.

but like another trait of my mom, i am stubborn as hell too. hahahaha.... so i still had the experience, and now i've repeated history in a way. so yeah...

lost the train of thought... not sure what i came on to say now either.

haha....

full circle? dont know yet.

To Emily

Always on my mind
------------------------------------------------

Maybe I didn't love you quite as good as I should have,
Maybe I didn't hold you quite as often as I could have,
Little things I should have said and done,
I just never took the time.

You were always on my mind,
You were always on my mind.

Maybe I didn't hold you all those lonely, lonely times,
And I guess I never told you, I'm so happy that you're mine,
If I made you feel second best,
I'm sorry, I was blind.

You were always on my mind,
You were always on my mind,

Tell me, tell me that your sweet love hasn't died,
Give me, give me one more chance to keep you satisfied,
If I made you feel second best,
I'm sorry, I was blind.

You were always on my mind,
You were always on my mind.

Faith

I couldnt sleep last night.
kept hving nightmare after nightmare.
but its no different when i'm awake.
feels like i've plunged to the bottom of depression again.
all i want to do is hide under my blanket the whole night.

i guess as much as i wanted to think i had gotten over it, i hadn't.
i just adapted to being by myself. and nothing more.
everything else still felt the same inside.
and now that the idea that she could be happier with someone else crept up on me again.
and the pain is still as raw as the very first day we broke.

i'm really afraid of losing her. and everything in me is just screaming out,
to run back to her, to break down all the walls of sticks and straws i built up inside, to have her back in my life. i really wish i could.

i feel so desperate now. like a man drowning and using every ounce of his energy to scramble to the top just to breath. i just need her.

but before i let myself regress back to a broken man begging desperately for the love of his life on all fours, i stopped to think.

of all the success stories i've heard, the ones that really worked always involved the lovers splitting up, dating others, and then realising that the one for them had always been that one person. and then they come back together. be it years, decades or what not.

that could be me too. but how would i know? the only way is to have faith. have faith that life works in mysterious ways, and that God might have a fancy plan for you. have faith that the other person misses you just as much and is going through just as much pain as you. have faith that the future has an untold bounty waiting for you.

so after the whole night of restlessness, i guess the best thing i can do now is to just be patient. and wait. "Be fearless. All is in God's hands." I should refer to that more often.

before i go, i would just like to say to her once more.
I love you. I still do. And just know that I will always be here for you.

till next time...

V'day

I never knew my heart still had so much pain left inside.

Letter to self

Dear Farhan,

WAKE UP YOUR FUCKING IDEA!!!!! stop slacking, stop eating, stop sleeping, stop procrastinating, stop being nothing. dont make me come over and bitch slap you to reality. you know very well where this will lead at the pace you're going.

i swear i will kick your ass if you dont do something about this. i wont be the onli angry soul at you. wat happened to all your dreams? remember them. then get back to work bitch.

Love,
yourself.

diagnostics

something is not right with me.
i'm missing something in life.
i wish my life was like a computer. then all i would need to do is run the system restore and everything will be back to the way it was before.

if only.

notes from the past

just did a test on the net.
and one of the things it had to say about me was this.

"In your relationships, you tend to be fiercely loyal and devoted. You often put your friends and family ahead of your work, which doesn't go unnoticed. You may tend to avoid conflict when possible and can even tend to hide your personal pain or hardship because you feel it will burden others. This can cause people to feel shut out from you. Those closest to you are comforted by your selfless and dependable nature."

I find it very true. especially the part where i hide alot of things.
i know someone will agree with me.

alrighty.
back to work.

hmmm...

upon much thinking and reviewing of things, i have concluded my brother is as crazy as me.

woohoo!!

My little brother

today i stumbled unto my younger brothers blog.
and i left a comment.
i hope he doesnt suddenly decide to change blog or anything now that i found it.
haha...
dont ok?
u read mine i read yours.

anyway, upon reading it, it feels like i dont really know my younger brother. the persona i get from reading his blog is very different from what i see at home.
maybe it could be that mask thin that we have when we are in diff groups of people. i do that too. i sure dont act the way i do in school at home. and infront of my brother as well.

or is it because of the anonymous thing about the net that makes my brother show a side of him that we're not very aware off?

hmmm... nothing wrong really. just find it interesting that i read his blog and all. and i wondered if there will ever come a time when i will talk to him like how i talk to friends. vulgarities and crudeness and all.

but i guess not really. farrah has yet to do the same to me. but we see how it goes.
in any case, i love my younger brother very much.

dont forget that ok reza?

haha...

Overview

had a series of unfortunate events happened as of late.
of course there were some good and bad things that happened.
now to see how i manage that.

realised i've been picking up alot of languages. as of late, i speak lots of english, more than basic malay, basic spanish, some portuguese, some chinese and lots of hokkien vulgarities. haha... intend to widen my scope eventually. but shal build the base for said languages first. except hokkien. i think i know enough vulgarities already.

apparently knowing languages impresses ppl for some reason. i was accompanying my fren to jap class since it was along the way back to my hall. some of her classmates were there also and she started to introduce me. so i though i'd try out my chinese since they were from china. best way to practice is to actually use it, and what better way to practice pronounciation then with native speakers right? they were quite impressed at first. then when they knew i spoke spanish too they were even more happier. weird...

but anyway, at this rate, i think i will become an international man of mystery. hahaha... as it is i already have a mixed heritage. might as well pick up all their languages and become dubious. then when ppl try to figure out wat race i am, i'll just say singaporean. because thats wat i am. :)

as per normal, life is full of activities. have to make time for my own studies now. have to discipline myself. and i figured, if i'm going to discipline myself in studies, i shall do it the odac way. if i can find a way to discipline myself by taking care of my body and pushing its limits, i can transfer that same intensity to my studies. so i started working out again in back to basics balls-to-the-wall training. body is continuously sore from every alternating days of training. but its starting to have an effect on my joints. starting to take glucosamine now. its working great actually. but if it starts to become a problem again, then i better tone down abit. bt right now, i'm happy with the results.

right, think i better get back down to work now.

tata!

Lost dreams

Everybody’s got something, they had to leave behind,
One regret from yesterday, that just seems to grow with time,
There’s no use looking back, or wondering,
How it could be now, or might have been,
All this I know, but still I can’t find ways to let you go,

I never had a dream come true
Till the day that I found you
Even though I pretend that I’ve moved on
You’ll always be my baby,
I never found the words to say
You’re the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be with you.

Somewhere in my memory I’ve lost all sense of time,
And tomorrow can never be cause yesterday is all that fills my mind,
There’s no use looking back, or wondering,
How it should be now, or might have been,
Oh this I know but still I can’t find ways to let you go,

I never had a dream come true
Till the day that I found you
Even though I pretend that I’ve moved on
You’ll always be my baby,
I never found the words to say
You’re the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be

You’ll always be the dream that fills my head
Yes you will, say you will, you know you will oh baby,
You’ll always be the one I know I’ll never forget,
There’s no use looking back or wondering,
Because love is a strange and funny thing,
No matter how I try and try I just can’t say goodbye...

I never had a dream come true
Till the day that I found you
Even though I pretend that I’ve moved on
You’ll always be my baby,
I never found the words to say,
You’re the one I think about each day,
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be...
A part of me will always be with you...

just shoot me in the head already

i really wish someone would tell me what i did wrong.
like doing an exam paper thinking you were getting it right based on what you've studied and practised.
and then when you hand it in, the professor just tears it up without even one glance and says you fail.
and when you ask why, there's suddenly no one around.

why did i let myself slip?

green light go?

i don't think i can love anytime soon.
had a clear reminder of why this morning.

Hall Olympiad

I was asked to be the hall mascot.
i said yes.
and i had to do this.
now everyone in school seems to know me as "the chunli"
both strangers and friends.
hai...
watch and enjoy!

Click me!

Pass it on

Comment here and I'll tell you one thing that I like about you. Then go post it in your blog and return the sentiment.

i'll try and reply when i have the time. but please, leave a comment!

the exhibitionist within

i seem to always be picked to act as a girl. wonder why.
in any case, i hope tonights performance goes well.
then tomorrow morning, i have one more in the nanyang auditorium.

come to think of it, i seem to perform alot. yet i'm shy. wat does that make me?

damn flu

now i'm sick.

Note to self

Stop singing love songs when you're alone. Or you'll start hallucinating.

a long long way to go

hi everybody!
ni hao ma?
hen hao!!!

hahahaha....
been one hell of a week. or weeks really. recently i have been extremely packed with so much activities that sitting around and stoning is no longer possible at all. and its kinda nice really. feel like i can accomplish alot. and i'm not lagging in my work either. like a nice balance of constant activity with lots of people.

anyhow, just felt like updating since its been awhile and i dont want the blog to die.
so yeah.
will try to keep this place updated when i haf the time. but not soon likely.

still learning how to be single again. forgotten the art of getting girls attracted to oneself. in time....

bye bye!

My first post of the year!

I smell of chlorine.